Silent Angel
by sobersmiles
Summary: Edward leaves and Bella turns to drugs to rid herself of the pain of losing him. This story contains my experiences withdrugs and how I found recovery from drug addiction. Dark
1. Chapter 1

_Okay everyone. This story takes place after Edward leaves in New Moon. Bella falls into depression and uses drugs and alcohol to "fix" it. This story will also include my personal experience with my struggles with drug addiction and how I found recovery. Enjoy! Please be kind to me!_

HE was gone. They all were. Now, I was alone. I was alone in my misery with only myself for company. There was never an end to my tears. My human friends had all abandoned me due to how I neglected them when HE was still here. I only had Charlie for company, and he wasn't much good at cheering me up.

I isolated myself. Hid in my room for days. Refusing to eat. All I could think about was him.

I needed to distract myself. With anything. I didn't care what.

After my 3rd day in my room, I decided to go downtown Port Angeles and just walk around. I needed to get out of my room.

When I got there, I parked my truck and started walking. I walked around town for hours just thinking. Eventually, it got dark out. I was walking by an alley and I heard a voice. "Hey." It was a man's voice. I looked into the shadows. I had to squint to see him, but there he was. He was tan and was wearing a Volcom tshirt. "What's a pretty girl like you walking around at night?"

"I was just trying to clear my head. I'm heading home now." I replied as I started to walk away.

"Wait, I've got this joint all rolled up. But I need someone to smoke with me. You in?" I thought about it. I heard Edward's voice in my head scream at me not to. What would he care? He left me.

I walked into the shadows. The man lit the small joint. In the candle light I could see he was about my age. Maybe a few years older. And he was good looking. Very good looking. Not as attractive as HE was, but he would do. Maybe he could fill the hole in my heart.

He passed me the joint. I took a hit and inhaled. I coughed up the smoke and passed it back to him. We did this until the joint was at its end. I was surprised that I actually felt happy for the first time in weeks.

"I'm Justin. I live here in town. What's your name?"

"Bella, and I live in Forks." I giggled out.

"Let me give you my number. Can I see your phone?" I handed it to him and he programmed his number in. "I'll see you around, hun." He said before he left me in the alley alone.

I walked back to my car in a daze. When I got there I fumbled with the keys before I was able to unlock it and climb in. I had to lay down and wait for my high to be over before I started to drive home.

As I drove all the street lights blurred together. The lines on the road curved and intertwined. The trees were greener. The rain fascinated me.

When I got home I went straight to bed and for the first time in weeks, had a nightmare free night.


	2. Chapter 2

I called Justin a few days later. We decided to meet up. He told me he had a surprise for me. I was nervous about what exactly that was. I drove to Port Angeles and we met up. We walked around and talked about random things. While we were walking he slipped what felt like 2 round pills into my hand. We reached an alley and I looked at what they were. They were 2 white pills with a diamond stamped onto them.

"What are these?" I asked him. I didn't want to take something if I was unsure of what it was.

"Ecstasy. They'll make you happier than you've ever been before." He took 2 pills out of his pocket and chewed them and swallowed. I did the same. They tasted horrible, like soap. I choked them down.

We left the alley and walked around. About 30 minutes later, I started to feel lighter. I was hyper aware of everything. I completely forgot about all my problems: about Edward, the Cullens, my lack of friends. All I could do was smile. And I couldn't stop.

For the next 2 or 3 hours we just walked around talking about everything. I had to talk through gritted teeth. Justin told me this was called lockjaw and that it was normal. Eventually the feelings started to go away.

Justin walked me to my car. He opened the door for me and grabbed my hand before I could get in. he pulled me to him and kissed me. This kiss wasn't like Edward's kisses, all cautious. No, Justin's kiss was without boundaries. I melted into him, still under the influence of the drugs. He let me go and I hopped into my car.

"Call me." He said.

"Alright." I said before I drove away. On the ride home, I thought about Edward. What wo0uld he say if he saw me now? He probably wouldn't want me at all after I kissed Justin. I wept.

When I got home, Charlie could tell that I was still messed up.

"Where have you been?" he asked. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Out." I stated simply.

"Out? Doing what?"

"Nothing." I said.

"Bella, are you high? Your pupils are huge." He said as he looked me over.

"No dad. Now I'm going to go do some homework." I said before taking off up the stairs to my room. When I got there I threw myself on my bed and cried. I cried because I wanted Edward to just come home already.


	3. Chapter 3

_1 year later…._

My life had become a numb haze. Justin had become my drug dealer. He could get me anything I wanted. Which was literally everything. Anything that would make the pain go away.

I was running low on weed so I called Justin. "Hello?" He asked through the phone.

"Ya it's me. Look, I'm running low on weed sooooo could you bring a dime bag over?" I asked sweetly. I knew that he would give me whatever I wanted.

"Sure, I also just got something else that I think you will love so I'll bring those by too. I'll see you soon." He said before he hung up.

I went downstairs and turned on the TV to watch while I waited for him to get to my house. Charlie was at work so I didn't have to worry about him asking questions about Justin. He already knew something was up with me. I guess I had been acting strange.

The doorbell rang sometime later and I opened it to see Justin's face smiling at me holding my dime bag. I smiled back. Justin had quickly become my best friend.

"Here's your chronic and I have something else." He pulled out a small bag containing about 20 small white pills. "These will rock your world."

"What are they?" I asked as I examined them. They looked pretty harmless.

"Oxycotton. They are my all time favorite." He explained.

We went into the living room and sat on the couch. Justin handed me 5 of the white pills. He also popped 5 into his mouth. He chewed them up and I did the same. They tasted horrible but I swallowed them anyway. We then rolled a joint and sparked up. About 30 minutes later, I started to feel tingly and heavy, the whole world disappeared around me. All the memories and feelings for Edward didn't matter anymore.

I laid down on the couch and just felt the tingles that coursed through me. Eventually I fell asleep and enjoyed a nap without dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

_This chapter is an actual memory of mine. Please be kind to me. I know I've made mistakes._

Friday:

Justin called me and asked me to go to a party with him. I agreed, I needed to get out of the house. Maybe I would meet new friends. I really wanted some of those. And I also really wanted to get some more of those oxys.

I went shopping (strange for me I know) and got a new outfit for the party, it was completely out of character for me but I wasn't who I was before HE left anymore. (Image on my polyvore). I got home and got ready. Justin picked me up and luckily Charlie was working so he didn't have any idea about where I was going. That was a plus. I told him earlier that day that I was sleeping over at Jessica's house. He liked the idea of me having girl friends so I just fed him what he wanted to hear.

We arrived at a dilapidated house on the edge of town. I could smell the weed and the booze from the minute I stepped out of the car. We walked inside and Justin introduced me to a few people. I wasn't listening to him. All I wanted was to get as messed up as possible.

"Do you have anymore of those oxys?" I asked sweetly. He nodded and handed me 5 pills. "Can I have a couple more please?" He handed me 2 more. I chewed them up and swallowed them. Someone passed me a shot of what I guessed was whiskey. I downed it. It burned my throat and I gagged. The feeling subsided and I had another and another.

"Slow down there!" Justin said to me as he laughed. We walked into the kitchen. Some guys were in the middle of a competitive game of beer pong. I watched for a bit then left Justin's side to see the rest of the house.

I went to the living room. People were snorting what I guessed to be cocaine on the living room table. "May I?" I asked. Someone nodded and cut me a line. I snorted it threw the rolled up dollar bill and stood up. My nose burned. But I liked it.

The oxys started to kick in and I sat on the couch. I was mellow but hyper at the same time. I didn't know what to do. Someone offered me another shot. I accepted.

10 shots later I was outside puking on the grass. I didn't care. This meant I could drink some more. I stumbled back inside and took some more shots of vodka this time.

I was hyper aware of the loud rap music and all the people around me. My vision started to get hazy and I had to lie down. Soon I passed out.


	5. Chapter 5

_1 year later…_

It had been days since the last time I did oxy. I was extremely depressed. Justin wasn't answering his phone and I had no one else to get them from. All the memories started rushing back. I curled up in a ball and cried on my bed. I missed him so much I thought I would die from the pain. In fact, I wanted to die.

I slowly got up and went downstairs to the lower level of the house. I went to the kitchen and found the razor blade. It had been smiling at me for days. I grabbed it and went back upstairs.

I went into the bathroom. I got in the tub and turned on the water. I sat in the slowly filling tub just staring at the blade. I plucked up some courage. This would be the end, finally, to my pain. I put the blade to my wrist, applied some pressure, and dragged it slowly across my delicate vein. The blood was beautiful to me. Finally, I had an escape. I did the same to the other wrist.

After a few minutes I started to feel lightheaded. My vision went black and all I could do was smile.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up in a white room in a bed with stiff sheets. There were bars on the window and a plastic shield over the clock on the wall. The furniture was bolted to the floor. My wrists ached and stung when I moved them. They were covered by white bandages. I felt sick, like I was about to vomit. I had horrible cramps in my stomach. I could barely move.

A woman entered the room. "You're finally awake." She said. "It's time for your meds and a bandage change. Then you can eat lunch."

"I don't feel good enough to eat. I have really bad cramps." I told her.

"You're going through opiate withdrawals. It's very important that you try to eat something." She removed my bandages. My wrists were red and swollen. They had been stitched up. She replaced the old bandages with new ones. She handed me my pills and I took them.

I followed her out of the room and sat down with the other patients and attempted to eat my food. I finished my soup only to vomit it back up all over the floor. A nurse rushed over and helped clean me up and help me back to my room. "Just lay down and rest. Don't worry this will pass with time."

I wanted to believe her. But what I really wanted was to call Justin and get some more oxy. I knew I was hurting my body by taking some many for so long but I didn't care and more. HE was gone and I had no reason to go on. I cried myself to sleep.

_I know I'm evil hahaha keep reading and you'll find out who's coming up next!_


	7. Chapter 7

I looked in the mirror. I definitely didn't look good. There were black circles under my eyes, my hair was a mess, and there was still vomit clinging to my lips. But I didn't care. Why would I care? All I could think was how much I hoped Justin would show up with a little bag of goodies for me to get through this. I looked at my wrists, covered with white bandages. How I wished I had cut a little deeper. Maybe I would be sleeping peacefully.

I took a deep breath and walked out the door into the long white hallway. I walked slowly down the tiled floors. My bare feet making a soft thump with each step I took.

When I got to the living area, I saw the back of a head. His hair was unruly and blond. He sat straight in his chair and turned his head when he heard me approach. I knew who he was. Whether or not I wanted to see him I was unsure of. I had been doing alright as long as I had my pills. I didn't want them to come back and stir up those old emotions. I didn't want them to try to fix me.

Jasper stood up and slowly turned to me. The expression on his face was pained. I didn't even care that my emotions were bothering him. I didn't care how horrible I looked. I didn't care about anything. I just needed my pills.

He walked towards me. I felt a wave of contentment come over me. "Stop it." I whispered to him. The pain returned.

When he was standing in front of me, he wrapped his cold arms around me in a hug I did not return. I stared into space. "Alice had a vision. We thought you were gone forever until she had another of you being in here. Thank God you're alive. The others will be in town shortly. What has been going on? You don't smell the same. You smell polluted."

I looked at him straight in the eyes. In that moment, I saw a look of understanding cross his face then a look of anguish. He knew. He hugged me again. He looked at my wrists and frowned. "Why, Bella?" I just looked at him. After a few moments of silence, I turned away from him and slowly walked back to my room.


End file.
